i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bring me that man meat