the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?