Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?