just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept