And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
