It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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