Cold hands, warm shart.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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