I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
