then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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