apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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