she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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