That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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