The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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