Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
