I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
