My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
