i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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