Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
