Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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