every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
