he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
