Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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