Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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