On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
