I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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