yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
