So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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