Im at strip club and am horny
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
