I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
