I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
