I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
