haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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