We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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