i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
