**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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