We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
handjob tips. give me some.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
