Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
