Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
