I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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