Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
