If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
