Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
