i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't notice because vodka
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A+ Viking dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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