I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
