you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
