im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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