I want to have your abortion
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
