he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
