I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
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i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music