Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian