Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings