last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize