id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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