Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
