There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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