Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
