It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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