You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize