Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
