i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
