You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
