why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
