If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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