My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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