hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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