I want to make a zoo with you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
