I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
