We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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