I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
