She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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