I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
