i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
