Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
...so i touched it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
