he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
