that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
