Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
