Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
