I wish I could teleport
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
