4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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