sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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