my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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