just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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