Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Two words: nipple clamps
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