So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
